ETIQUETTE
Wedding Etiquette
What are Save the Date cards? And why would I send them?
A 'Save the Date' card is not an invitation to the wedding, but it lets your friends and family know when you are planning on getting married and that you would like them to be a part of your special day. A save the date card is typically sent anywhere from 3 to 12 months prior to the wedding. The card should include the pertinent information, such as the bride and groom's names, the wedding date and the location. For a wedding to which many people will be traveling, it is helpful to include suggested hotel names as well as airline suggestions. It may be a simple postcard, or a unique card and an envelope. Prior to sending these, you need to determine who you will be inviting to the wedding-this is possibly the most difficult decision you will have to make. We've got too many people on the list - How can I possibly cut back?
How do we decide whom to invite to our wedding?
This is a very important decision when planning your wedding. You should sit down with both parties involved and get some ground rules established. All the factors need to be discussed; from family size, to geography, to who is paying for the wedding - get it all out in the open. Possibly the guest list could be divided like this: "Look we're can have 225 guest-either because of the size of the location or because of our budget--, 75 will be guests of the bride's family, 75 guests of the groom's family and 75 are friends of the bride & groom. If that's understood right at the beginning--most everything else will fall into place.
It is important to understand that your guests create the memories of your wedding. Perhaps it is better to limit the menu, the extravagance of the location and be able include the people who have shared your lives and will want to share this special day.
Should I invite my co-workers?
Co-workers often wish to be included in your wedding, but this is not always possible. Most co-workers understand this and will often generously have a special separate party or shower with you and your finance to celebrate. I know several young people who have solved this issue by inviting co-workers to the wedding, but explain to them they are not invited to the reception. You may be surprised how comfortable your co-workers will be with this.
INVITATIONS
Selecting your style of invitation with set the ambience of your wedding. Some bride & groom would prefer very formal invitation, while other would enjoy a more relaxed and theme oriented event. Once this decision has been made, invitations may be selected.
How many invitation should be ordered:
You have established your guest list so you know how many invitations you will need. It is always a good idea to order a few extra invitations. Invitations get lost in the mail and you may need to resend them or you may have the opportunity to include a couple extra guest.
When and to whom should I send
Wedding Announcements rather than Invitations?
Wedding announcements should only be sent to friends and family that are unable to attend the wedding, because of distance or other special circumstances. They should be mailed the day after the ceremony.
When should the invitations be mailed out?
Invitations should be mailed 6 to 8 weeks prior to the wedding. Be sure you have taken your invitation to the post office to assure the correct postage. Select special stamps.
What should be included with the invitation?
If it is a formal invitation it may include: The invitation, a reception card, a response card & stamped envelope and possibly an 'at home card' with your new address. It may also include a sheer piece of paper that lays on top of the invitation. This is an 'old' tradition that was originally started because the ink was not dry on the invitation and this absorbed the ink . . . and with time became a tradition. If it is a less formal invitation it may include: The invitation that may say the reception is immediately following the ceremony OR it may also include a response card with a stamped envelope.
What information should be included on a wedding invitation or marriage announcement?
It is traditional to have the bride's parents listed first, then the bride's name, groom's name, and the name of the groom's parents is optional. Next is the information about the wedding—location, time, date and possibly information regarding the reception. A less formal invitation or if the bride & groom are hosting their wedding, it may list the bride's name, the groom's name with location, time date and reception information.
How should we include a deceased parent on the wedding invitation?
Traditional etiquette is that only people contributing financially for the actual wedding, or contributing some other means of support, are mentioned on a wedding invitation. The more appropriate place to pay homage to the deceased is to mention them on the program, such as, "In loving memory of... (parent's or grandparent's name)".
Must I spell out the middle names of the parents, bride and the groom?
Formal invitations require the use of full names. Initials should not be used. If you do not wish to spell out a middle name for any reason, then it is preferable to delete the name altogether.
How do I indicate the time on a formal invitation?
The time of a formal event may be stated in two different ways. "Half after three in the afternoon" or "three-thirty in the afternoon" are both acceptable. You do not use "a.m." or "p.m." on a formal wedding invitation. Any time after twelve o'clock and before six p.m. is considered afternoon. Evening properly begins at six o'clock.
My wedding is being held at noon, how do I word this?
Your invitations should simply read, "at twelve o'clock". Unless otherwise noted, "twelve o'clock" means "noon". If you feel strongly about indicating the time of day, you may use "at twelve o'clock in the afternoon".
When should I use a reception card?
If the reception will be held in a place separate from where the ceremony will be held, you will need to consider a separate reception card. It should coordinate with, or be a smaller version of, the main wedding invitation.
How do I indicate to our guests that we will provide Valet Parking?
We suggest that you print the words "Valet Parking" at the bottom left or right of the invitation, where one might typically indicate "Black Tie." If there is a reception card, it would be more appropriate to print it on the reception card instead of on the invitation. If there is not a reception card, then printing the words directly on the invitation itself is acceptable.
How should I indicate "No Gifts" on the invitation?
It is certainly fine to indicate, ever so politely, that gifts are not expected. You may add in small print in the lower corner of the invitation "No gifts, please" or "Your presence is a gift to us". Please realize, however, that most people really want to send a gift.
We're having a no-children policy at our wedding. How do I address this situation on the invitation?
You don't address this on the actual invitation. This is often a very sensitive issue. It is best to include this information on the reception card. On this card it is polite to word it carefully. An adult reception immediately following the ceremony . . .
How do I determine a "reply by" date?
A requested "reply by" date should be indicated as two weeks to ten days prior to the date of the wedding. It is also suggested that the bride contact the caterer to be sure when a final headcount is needed. The caterer's cut-off date may affect the "reply by" date, as well, and should be taken into consideration. Guest who have not replied need to be called.How should I word invitations to the Reception only?
The invitation would be very similar to the invitation with the information on the reception only. If it is formal with would be worded with the formality of the bride's parents announcing the wedding or a more casual invitation would be worded in a casual script. Addressing my envelopes: Weddings are very special when they are hand addressed by a calligrapher, but with computers today, the invitation can be addressed very professionally with a coordinating font return address.
How should I word a formal wedding invitation?
Formal invitations include the bride's family inviting the guests: IE
Mr. and Mrs. Elgin Rowland Jackson
request the pleasure of your company
at the marriage of their daughter
Elizabeth Anne
to
Mr. Thomas Edison Thompson
How should I word a formal marriage announcement?
Wording for a formal marriage announcement would be:
Mr. and Mrs. Edward James Nelson
have the honor of
announcing the marriage of their daughter
Elizabeth Anne
to
Mr. Jonathan Scott Jones
Saturday, the twelfth of June
Two thousand and four
Greenville, Delaware
How do I address an invitation when both the husband and wife are doctors?
When both are doctors, you have three options. "The Doctors Schultz" is one option. It would also be proper to write, "Doctor Melissa Schultz" above "Doctor Nathan Smith". Another suggestion would be "Doctor Nathan Smith and Doctor Melissa Smith." What is the proper way to complete the "M________" on a Reply card? You would simply add your names after the "M" on the line as follows: Mr. and Mrs. Brian Smith The "M" is to state Mr. John Smith, or Mr. and Mrs. John Smith, or Ms. Jane Smith.Is it proper to send out a wedding announcement which is also an invitation to a reception?
Your wedding or your late reception are separate events that suggest separate invitations.
What are double envelopes?
A more traditional, and more formal, invitation may include double envelopes. The outer envelope will include the guest's full name and address, and it will be sealed. The inner envelope will include only the guest's title and last name (such as Mr. and Mrs. Smith) and will be left unsealed, as it is not gummed. If you are ordering double envelopes and wish to include an envelope liner, the inner envelope will be the lined envelope.
What is the proper way to stuff the invitations and enclosures into the envelope?
The invitation and enclosure cards are placed in the envelope in order of size and importance. The largest enclosure cards are placed closest to the invitation. When enclosure cards of the same size are used, the card that is most important for your guest to see would be placed on the top of the ensemble. When you place the invitation and enclosure cards into the envelope, they should all be facing toward you, so that when you remove them from the envelope, you are able to easily read all pieces of the ensemble. While holding the envelope so that you are looking at the back of it, we recommend that you stuff the envelope in the following order:
If you are using "double envelopes", you would place the invitation ensemble into the "inside" unsealed envelope. You would then write your guest's names on the front of this envelope. This envelope is then inserted into the "outside" gummed envelope. The front of the "inside" envelope should be facing you and inserted into the back of the "outside" envelope. TIP: Take a sample of your entire invitation -- completely assembled -- to the post office to be weighed to ensure proper postage.
What color paper is considered traditional for wedding invitations?
Traditional wedding invitations are white, ivory or ecru.
When should I order my wedding invitations?
Invitations should be ordered at least three months before the wedding. Engraved invitations should be ordered four to five months in advance. All of your wedding details, such as date, time, number of attendees and locations should be confirmed prior to placing your order.
What color ink should I use on my wedding invitations?
Black, charcoal or dark gray ink should be used on formal wedding invitations.
When should I order my Thank You Notes?
You may wish to purchase your thank you notes at the same time that you order your invitations. In most cases, we offer thank you notes that coordinate with your wedding invitation. You may consider a less formal thank you note IE: Elizabeth and Justin—so that you can send a thank you note when a gift is received. This will be happily received by the sender because they will know you have received their gift. You may also order more formal thank you notes to be used following the ceremony.
Wedding Shower & Bridal Shower Invitations
Shower invitations are a fun way to celebrate a bride or a wedding couple. There are great invitations available for a general shower or a theme shower. Showers are traditionally given by the bridesmaids, sisters, cousins or close family friends wanting to honor the couple.
Can I include registry information on the bridal shower invitations?
It is not unusual to include registry information at the bottom of a shower invitation. Registered at:
For a bridal shower invitation, is it acceptable to list what will be purchased as a group gift?
Group gifts are very popular. This way the bride & groom can receive china, sterling, linens—usually something that is more expensive than an individual is unable to purchase. It is worded similar to: “ If you would like to participate in a group gift, please send $ . . . ; to _ _ _ _ , by a given date.” This assures that the hostess will know how much money she has to spend on a group gift If a guest does not wish to participate—that is OK too and then the guest may bring an individual gift or card.
How can I indicate on the shower invitation that the guests are responsible to pay for their own meals?
While protocol does not advocate putting cost information on a party invitation, if you do opt to include it, it is best to place it at the bottom, in the corner opposite the RSVP information. The menu and the amount of the shower should be pre-established to cover the party expense, the bride and the bride's expense. Their invitation should not include this information. Money should be sent ahead to the hostess or host to avoid confusion on the day of the event.
When should bridal shower invitations be mailed?
Invitations should be mailed to out-of-town guests about 3-4 weeks prior to the shower.
When should I send thank you notes for gifts I received at my shower?
Thank you notes should go out immediately after the gift is received. This is particularly important if the gift is mailed, as the guest will want to be reassured that the gift has been received.
Birth Announcements
What information would you include on a birth announcement?
Birth announcements are special. This is your opportunity to announce to your close friends and family your happy event! What is usually included are the parents names, the name of the baby and, if the baby has a nickname, provide it in quote marks underneath his or her name. You will also want to include the date, the time, the weight and maybe the place of birth.
When should the announcements be sent?
Birth announcements should be sent as soon after the birth as possible. If you can, order them during the last few months of the pregnancy. Just email the information to us . . .without the date, weight, time and name and we will be able to send the personalized announcement as soon as we receive the details. You can preorder the envelope so you will have the time to address them prior to delivery.
Is there a special way of writing announcements for multiple births?
It's a surprise element just to see their names in print. Arrange the name to complement the announcement so there's no question that they are more than one baby.
Is it necessary to write a personalized note on each announcement?
An announcement speaks for itself with the information you wish to share.
Is it necessary to include a photograph with my birth announcement?
A baby picture is included only if you would like to. Digital photo cards are easily done—just email us the picture and we can apply it for you!
Are people who receive birth announcements expected to send gifts?
Gifts are never to be expected. Gifts and cards of congratulations are always appreciated.
I kept my maiden name, how can I best word my child's birth announcement?
Alyssa & James announce with great joy the birth of their daughter, Mary Louisa etc., etc
Does my baby need stationery, thank you notes or calling cards?
It's very nice to have stationery for a baby or a child. Just think how special it is for you to write your thank you notes on a stationery design personalized with you baby or child's name.
We have adopted a child,is it appropriate to send out announcements, and what is the best wording?
Of course, an announcement is always appropriate to let people know about a new member of your family. "Mary and Bob Campbell are happy to announce the adoption of . . ., Austin Edward was born on? and you put down his birth date, even if it is two or three years previously. That's all you have to say. If you wish to you can also note the place of birth.
Should I list siblings on the announcement?
It is certainly appropriate to list siblings' names on the announcement. You can either list them on a separate line after the parents' names or one line along with the parents' names. It is also quite sweet to have the siblings announce the birth of the newest member of the family. "Emily proudly announces the birth of her baby brother . . .". An announcement is a family announcement.
How should I list unmarried parents on the birth announcements?
We recommend that you list the parents' names on two separate lines, listing the mother's name first.
How do I include the grandparents' names on a birth announcement?
While an announcement including grandparents and or great-grandparents is not common, it is your prerogative to create your announcement to suit your fancy! You should, however, list the parents' names first followed by the grandparents' on a separate line.
How should "Jr." be printed on the birth announcement?
Traditional etiquette uses a comma before "Jr.", such as Ryan Alan Johnson, Jr. You do not, however, have to spell "Junior" out on a birth announcement.
Holiday
I am worried about offending friends of different faiths by sending my Holiday cards.
You have several choices: What you do is you either find a card that is neutral, non-specific without any religious connotation greeting. Or you can have two sets of Christmas cards made. One of them say, May the Joy of this Season Be With You Always, May the Lord Bless You in the New Year. Then another set made for all your business friends and so forth that should say, Seasons Greetings and Happiest of New Years. You can say Seasons Greetings or Happy Holidays or Happy New Year, you're not going to offend the people of any faith. It is also very appropriate to send 'fall' cards prior to the 'season'. How wide a circle of people are you expected to send Holiday Cards to? Holiday cards are a wonderful way of reaching out to those you have not seen or spoken with during the year - why limit the number of lives you can touch? A handwritten note on a Christmas card or Holiday Greetings card is always appreciated.
Is it necessary to sign each and every card?
It is always nice to have a personal note on each card, but this is not always necessary—just personal.
When should I plan to mail out my holiday cards?
Mail your cards as you have them addressed. First Christmas cards always make an impression. The earliest is the day after Thanksgiving –and I always know whose card I will receive first. It is a busy time of year—have you thought about a New Year's card or a Valentine card???
How quickly do thank you notes for holiday gifts need to be sent, and is a note always expected?
A thank you note is a response to a gift. Writing them is becoming a lost art . . . so therefore should giving gifts become a lost art? A thank you note expresses your thoughfulness, your appreciation of the gift and notifies the sender that you have received the gift. Email is just not the same.
Party Invitations
How far in advance should invitations be sent for an informal party?
Three weeks is usually enough time. If you have guest coming from out of town you may wish to send them a little earlier.
How is the best way to word an invitation if there more than one host for an event?
If it's an informal invitation and more than one person is hosting, it may be listed alphabetically –Lisa & Tim Barnes, Sally & David Edison. If the invitation is for a business, you usually list the hosts in order of rank. The CEO's name comes first, the President's comes second, the Vice President, Chairman, etc., the Board of Directors underneath.
What about a social situation, bridesmaids throwing a shower, for example. Is that alphabetical as well?
Sure, alphabetical. You may want to put an * beside the name of the individual that is being called for a r.s.v.p.
Is there a certain way the date and the time should be written on an invitation?
On a formal invitation, you would write out "Four O'clock", or four in the afternoon. You don't use p.m. and a.m. With a more informal occasion you can say 4 P.M.
What about for dates--how do you correctly word the date?
Spell out the month, don't abbreviate it, and add the numbers, the year is optional. Formal invitations do include the year. If it is New Year's Day Party -- you want to make that year stands out.
Is it rude to put an end time on an invitation?
No, it is not rude. It is your party and you should put a time that you are comfortable with this. You may consider closing the bar off 30 minutes prior to closing time. You guests will want to know that so they can arrange their dinner dates or babysitters. It's helpful for everyone.
Is RSVP or regrets only proper on my invitation?
When you use an RSVP you get to hear whether your guest will be excited about your party. BUT we live in a busy work and a 'regrets only' same the hosts time on the phone. At this time, both are acceptable.
What about an invitation with no RSVP?
This is acceptable if the host is comfortable not knowing how may guest they will be hosting.
When should children receive their own invitations?
It is always fun for a child to receive their own invitation.
Stationery
I have been given a complete wardrobe of stationery and don't know how best to use it.
When is the appropriate time to use letter sheets versus note cards versus flat cards or calling cards?"Flat cards" may be used for many occasions. They are incredibly versatile. You use them for a thank you note, you can turn them into invitations you can even stick a stamp in the corner and send them as a postcard. Fold over notes are perfect for thank you notes and notes to family & friends. Letter sheets are usually for more casual correspondence.
At what age should children write their own thank you notes and what are some guidelines for how to get my child to write them?
Children should write thank you notes as soon as they can scribble their name added to the note their parent has written. A thank you note is always appreciated.